Mormon?

There is an alternate reality where I am a happy happy Mormon. My husband is a returned missionary and we have at least 3 kids and live in a cute house in a SLC suburb or possibly Boise. My husband bought me a fancy camera that I don't really know how to use and I'm very active with the Relief Society. In this dimension, my hair is white blonde and I buy a lot of clothing from Shabby Apple. I am not employed in any traditional sense though I love MLM "opportunities". My vehicle is a Honda Odyssey. I'm still 5'8", however.

In the dimension from which I'm writing this goofy post, I'm about as far from Mormon as one can get. I smoke, drink, am not chaste, watch vulgar movies & television, drink coffee like a fiend, have tattoos & invoke the saints when I feel like I need a little guidance. I live in a loft in a suburb right smack in the middle of Dallas & Fort Worth & have plans to move to New Orleans. I am dating a Hindu from Chennai and we have no plans for marriage. I limited my procreating to 2 kids. My nose is pierced and I'm very skeptical of MLM "opportunities". I have a professional job with a giant multinational company. My vehicle is a Kia Soul.

One of my guilty pleasures/pseudo-secrets is my bizarre obsession with Mormons. While I feel strongly that their church sanctioned plan for living would be a terribly bad fit for me, something about it is alluring. The constant life derailments that have comprised my 33 years on this planet have me longing for a road map. As my own navigational skills seem to be lacking, Mormonism would provide that compass.

All of my investigations into the religion thus far have not convinced me there is a grain of truth to the foundations of their beliefs. I could never join them without a sincere testimony and that is something my research will not allow me to gain. At least not at this point in my life....

That said, I have a real fondness for Mormons and their culture. I'm obsessed with Mormon Mommy Blogs & The Bloggernacle. I imagine myself like those women and while a piece of me dies... part of me feels a great sense of relief. They are a bewildering attraction that inspires very mixed emotions.

Those LDS bitches really have it all figured out.