Meet Lumpy Space Princess

I never really considered myself a cat person but I am loving this feline.

Mormon?

There is an alternate reality where I am a happy happy Mormon. My husband is a returned missionary and we have at least 3 kids and live in a cute house in a SLC suburb or possibly Boise. My husband bought me a fancy camera that I don't really know how to use and I'm very active with the Relief Society. In this dimension, my hair is white blonde and I buy a lot of clothing from Shabby Apple. I am not employed in any traditional sense though I love MLM "opportunities". My vehicle is a Honda Odyssey. I'm still 5'8", however.

In the dimension from which I'm writing this goofy post, I'm about as far from Mormon as one can get. I smoke, drink, am not chaste, watch vulgar movies & television, drink coffee like a fiend, have tattoos & invoke the saints when I feel like I need a little guidance. I live in a loft in a suburb right smack in the middle of Dallas & Fort Worth & have plans to move to New Orleans. I am dating a Hindu from Chennai and we have no plans for marriage. I limited my procreating to 2 kids. My nose is pierced and I'm very skeptical of MLM "opportunities". I have a professional job with a giant multinational company. My vehicle is a Kia Soul.

One of my guilty pleasures/pseudo-secrets is my bizarre obsession with Mormons. While I feel strongly that their church sanctioned plan for living would be a terribly bad fit for me, something about it is alluring. The constant life derailments that have comprised my 33 years on this planet have me longing for a road map. As my own navigational skills seem to be lacking, Mormonism would provide that compass.

All of my investigations into the religion thus far have not convinced me there is a grain of truth to the foundations of their beliefs. I could never join them without a sincere testimony and that is something my research will not allow me to gain. At least not at this point in my life....

That said, I have a real fondness for Mormons and their culture. I'm obsessed with Mormon Mommy Blogs & The Bloggernacle. I imagine myself like those women and while a piece of me dies... part of me feels a great sense of relief. They are a bewildering attraction that inspires very mixed emotions.

Those LDS bitches really have it all figured out.

Sweet Transvestite From Brampton, Ontario

Crazy dream about the Kids In The Hall woke me up. They were in town on tour with their own Rocky Horror Show. After the show they were't fan friendly at all. They were grumpy and diva-like which is not the KITH at all. Where did that even come from?

Scott was Frank'N Furter. He was a pretty hot Frank.





With Scott Thompson, 2008

With Mark McKinney

With Kevin McDonald

Can I blame the Tylenol PM for this? What is going on in the recesses of my mind? I would have welcomed a sex dream because they are so rare as to be a novelty. Though when they do occur they aren't anything to write home about. Why can't I ever have an erotic dream that doesn't inspire mental anguish and self doubt immediately upon waking? The rare ones I have usually star people like Ray Liotta and/or some random person I went to high school with and haven't seen in almost 20 years & start off with some mild coercion. Totally not sexy. Just once I'd like a 3-hour dream culminating in the conception of Evan Peters' love child.

Speaking of the KITH, I was supposed to be Mrs. Kevin McDonald but I'm not sure what happened. I don't think he got the memo.

Oh, and I'm not voting in this election and I don't feel even a teensy bit bad about it.

The Futcah!

My goal is to do with the blog what I planned to do. That means I have to fuel that internal voice I've been ignoring for so long. Major life changes have inspired me.

Stay tuned.

I bought a hamster car!

Bourbon Street

I had no idea there was a puking guy in the frame.

Lunatic

What a horrible day today has been. So full of miserable, cranky people and anxiety. It's a full moon and we have two more days of it. I think I will light some candles tonight.